We must admit we were sort of taken aback by the recent comments of the newest member of President The Donald Himself’s staff, White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. And so much so, that we sought the counsel of world renowned Psychiatrist Dr. Don. Dr. Don consented to see us on short notice, even though it was Friday night and he was watching the Yankee game on his 4KHD, 155 inch screen TV. As always during ball games, he had the sound off.
NYUGE Staff reporter. “Dr. Don thank you for seeing us on such short notice.”
Dr. Don “No problem. I read the remarks and I can see why you are confused, first, the double negative. It is the same in Psychiatry as it is in English grammar, it means a positive. So when Mr. Scaramucci said “I’m not Steve Bannon. I’m not trying to s**k my own c**k. He was actually saying. He wants to be just like Steve Bannon and he want to s**k his own c**k. Perhaps he sees Steve Bannon as a father figure. It could be the Oedipal, wish jumping out of his unconscious at this moment of great success for him. He wishes to usurp his father and have sex with his mother. On the other hand the desire to do it himself? Hmm. Perhaps he never trusted his mother and… No wait is he married?
NYUGE Staff reporter. “His wife is divorcing him.”
Dr. Don. “Ahh perhaps this is not so Freudian. Maybe he has to s**k his own C**k, now. And, he can’t reach it. Ah, wish fulfillment is very tough. Then again perhaps I’m being too analytical again. Sometimes a c**k, is just a c**k. And, the comment about the other guy being paranoid schizophrenic, is simple projection. He fears losing his own mind. You can see why. Ah this is too easy. I shouldn’t even charge you.”
Just then Dr. Don’s eyes went to the TV screen and he screamed. “Sh*t yeah!” We turned to the screen and saw that Aaron Judge had just hit another home run. Dr. Don weighed in.
Dr. Don. “What is really scary about this kid Judge is he never loses his balance at the plate. Not like other players you see go down on one knee or stumble when they swing and miss.”
We watched the slow motion replay with Dr. Don, as he pointed out the finer points of young Aaron Judge’s swing.
Dr. Don. “You see he is taking a very natural swing. He’s not over swinging or putting any extra effort into his swing and still hitting the ball over 400 feet. This is not good news for major league pitchers. We could be looking at the next Joe DiMaggio here. I think, I’ll drink to this.”
And Dr. Don leaned back in his Barco Lounge chair, complete with heating plant, 8 way massage, quadraphonic sound system and the overhead Johnny Walker Blue dispenser that has a tube feed. Dr. Don grabbed the tube and took a sip. He did not offer us anything as he never lets his patients eat or drink during sessions. This does not apply to him of course, as he has been known to sip the Johnny Walker Blue during most of his sessions.
Remember Dr. Don is unlicensed in all 50 States and everywhere else for that matter. He does not accept insurance, credit cards or checks. He only takes cash and he charges a thousand dollars an hour. And, yes he took his fee even though he said it was too easy. But we spare no expense, for you, our readers.
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