Since we go everywhere, this comes from deep inside the White House, from the Oval Office actually, where we got a hold of a secret recording and made this transcript for you.
Unidentified White House Aide “Mr. President it’s Kim Jung-un again.”
President the Donald Himself “Christ what’s the matter with that guy? Do I have to?”
White House Aide “He’s called three times this morning.”
President the Donald Himself “Wait didn’t Barron speak to him the last time?”
White House Aide “Yes he did.”
President the Donald Himself “Then go get Barron.”
White House Aide “Yes sir!”
There were a few minutes of silence and then the President the Donald Himself could be heard humming faintly. “Gonna’ crush Pocahwantus and then CNN.” Then Barron entered and President the Donald Himself said. “Barron it’s your friend Kim Jung-un again. You talk to him.”
Barron “Sure Dad he’s a cool guy. Then if you let me tell my friends, like the last time, it’s really cool.”
President the Donald Himself “We’ll see. It depends. Just remember you’re me.”
Barron “I know that’s even more fun.”
Barron picking up the phone “Hey Kim-Jung what’s up?”
Kim Jung-un “Oh Trump you old bastard, I read your tweet and you’re wrong mine is bigger than yours. Mine is twenty three center meters. Ha ha!”
Barron “What is that in inches?”
Kim Jung-un “That’s nine inches. Mine is nine inches! What’s yours Trump?”
Barron “Oh well its eight and half inches.”
Kim Jung-un “Ah ha! Ah ha! That’s only twenty two center meters. I guess the guy who said you have small hands, knew something. Mine is bigger than yours. Go tweet that Trump!”
Barron “Oh wait… Do you mean when it gets hard?”
There is a lot of laughter on the recording from inside the Oval Office at this point and Barron continued. “It gets bigger then, a lot bigger.”
Kim Jung-un “Very funny Trump, very funny. But don’t tweet that.”
Barron “I wouldn’t do that. We’re friends.”
After a little more banter that we can’t repeat here, as this is a family channel Barron hung up and asked. “Dad can I tell my friends?” There was a lot of laughter at this point and we couldn’t hear the answer. We’ll have to follow up on this.
And speaking of Bombs and inches we hope this week’s article gets out to everyone, as we are under the wrath of a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ here in New York City. We don’t know if the cloud that is the internet, can withstand a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ or the rest of us either. Please tune in next week, to see if we’re still here. What is a ‘Bomb Cyclone’? Well we’ve been told that a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ is when it snows, it gets real cold and there are high winds. That all sounds familiar, the same as a snow storm or a blizzard even but then we don’t have a meteorologist on staff, so we’re sort of in the dark on this. But the Meteorologists on TV are almost breathless over this ‘Bomb Cyclone’. They say there are eight inches of snow. We went out and measured and it’s less, a lot less. We won’t say how much less, as we don’t want to embarrass anyone. And, we can understand the weather guys exaggerating inches, it’s what guys do. But then the women Meteorologists were breathless over this too. Then again there are women in this world who haven’t been around all that much. They don’t watch porn. And, they believe the men in their life.
Oh well, Bombs away everyone.
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